Me, sans shirt, sitting in KFC eating my burger…note hankie on my head to wipe my brow.
It was almost two years ago to the day when my wife and I got sucked into the media hype of KFC’s Double Down Burger which at the time I thought was OK, as a one-off provided you had a signed permission slip from your Doctor alongside an updated insurance policy. So when a fellow Tweeter spoke of wolfing down KFC’s reincarnation of it I had no choice but to hunt one down and check if time has done it any better or worse.
Not by coincidence I found myself sitting in Papanui’s House of Cholesterol which bode a bad sign; the place looked no different from it did all that time ago; by that I mean it looked shitty. And by shitty I mean you can feel the fat and grease coating you as you walk in the door. I’m sorry, but the place would have been done a favour had the earthquakes leveled it, but unfortunately through economics, or based on the local population, KFC saw no fit reason to match their competitors in redressing and rebranding their restaurants.
So after ordering my combo meal ($11.40 for the Zinger Double Down, small chips and orange Mountain Dew) I hesitatingly sat down at a table in a dining hall that was only shared by one other; a forlorn looking woman who looked like she had lost her battle of the bulge as she munched back a tray-load of food which still looked like it wouldn’t be enough.
*it is important to note here that I did not get the ‘standard’ Double Down as they had run out of (or maybe it had just plain run out on its own) some chilli sauce offering, but was duly offered extra ‘Supercharger’, being some attempt at adding spice*
Opening the wrapper, and immediately getting said Supercharger over my hands and onto my jeans, the first thing you note is that it isn’t a big meal which makes the $8-odd a hefty price to pay for two bits of chicken that maybe cost KFC about $1 total. But, and as memory serves me, it looked more appetising than the one I had years back, even though the sauce has the look, color and consistency of week-old cum…
Double Down, don’t mock me…*images in photo may appear larger than they actually are*
…but from the first bite, I was impressed! It might have been the spicy sauce (I love a kick in my food) paired with the Zinger flavouring but it took less than half the time of my Twitter colleague before I was hungrily licking my fingers and the wrapper for remnants that tried to escape in vain. The chicken was cooked to within an inch of perfection, something Simon Gault would have been proud of, the bacon also. And unlike the first attempt, the ‘burger’ did not fall apart in my hands, so I’m guessing some sort of Gorilla Bond Glue may have been mixed in. And while I treat fast-food chain’s attempts of ‘hot & spicy’, and I love it hot enough to make soft-drink vaporize on my tongue, it had as good level of ‘pow’.
Hours later, supping back a beer (or two) I was aware of another plus with the Double Down; unlike its predecessor, and most other fast food burgers, it hadn’t sat in the bottom of my gut like a cement/snot combo, threatening to tear me a second arsehole the following morning.
Yep, KFC, despite all attempts to do otherwise, you have hit a home run with this one…and as I am a true believer in playing on a level field, I feel I must head back to another restaurant and sample your wares again…just to be sure.
Now, why the hell don;t we have this one Down Under!!!??? Try me, I’m Iron(gut) Man…