the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Archive for the tag “joke”

Because I’m an Athiest…


THE MISSING ROOSTER

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock & ten hens he kept in the hen-house behind the church.

One saturday night the cock went missing………….now the priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning. During mass he asked the congregation,

” Has anybody got a cock?”…….. All the men stood up.

“No! no!,”  he said  “that wasn’t what I meant.”

“Has anybody seen a cock “………All the women stood up.

“No! no!,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant.”

“Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t  belong to them”……. Half the women  stood up

“No! no!,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock”

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests, and a goat  stood up.

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Friday Funny…


I thought this would be a good wee crack for you to see. This comes at a time when a couple of nights ago I came back from squash and noticed my neighbour walking up our street with a torch – as it turns out, looking for “Gracey” her cat. Not taking the piss, I have two cats myself, but this is funny. It is quite long…

.

 

Hi I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was  wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
 

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

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Sunday Silly…


It never takes long for the wise-cracks to come out of any situation. While my posting of this is not condoning the riots, it would also go against my better judgement than to find something to snicker at in spite of it…and if you don’t laugh, stop taking yourself so seriously.

 

And the only card welcome at the Rugby World Cup it would seem!

 

Hardware, hard sell, or hard-on?


Disclaimer; the author does not indicate any direct link between hair colour and IQ....really!

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Bunnings and pick up a hinge.

Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the nice young man to finish serving a customer,
Her eye caught a beautiful bathroom vanity tap set…
When the man was finished, Mary asked him, “How much is that vanity set?

The young assistant manager replied, “That’s a gold-plated set and the price is $500.00.”
Mary exclaimed, “My goodness, that is very expensive. It’s certainly out of my price bracket.”
Read more…

Friday Funny…


My boss sent me this one this morning as he said it best summarised my ability to talk myself out of the shit…not that I have verbal diarrhea or anything!

 A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco’s supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,

“Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.”

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added,
 
“and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”

 
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
 
Later, the manager said to the boy,”
 
I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?”
 
“New Zealand, sir,” the boy replied.
 
“Why did you leave New Zealand ?” the manager asked..
 
The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there.”
 
“Is that right?” replied the manager,” My wife is from New Zealand !”
 
“Really?” replied the boy, “Who’d she play for?”

 

 

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