the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Archive for the tag “fast food”

Eat Shit and Die; KFC’s Mexican ‘offering’…


When I was younger, my older brother once farted on my head just at that point where I breathed in...this burger tasted worse...

When I was younger, my older brother once farted on my head just at that point where I breathed in…this burger tasted worse…

And by offering, I mean some sort of Pagan-esque sacrificial lamb, and by lamb I mean chicken (at least I think it was chicken), and by chicken, I mean something crumbed somewhat attempting to resemble a chicken (albeit minus wings, legs, beak and ‘cluck’) yet had the taste and complexion of a sun-dried inner tube left to marinate in a sespool of rancid cow’s piss…

What? No idea, but it was advertised as the Mexican Zinger Burger…

Where? KFC Rangiora…

When? When I come out of this gastro-influenced coma I will endeavour to remember. But it was sometime after work last week, and sometime before violently scratching the back of my throat with my fingers in an effort to extricate whatever had crawled in there and died…

Coin? All things considered (it being a combo), too much. In fact, I would expect to be paid to eat it next time…

Pros? The Mountain Dew, and I bloody well hate Mountain Dew…oh, and the hot blonde behind the counter (who unfortunately didn’t serve me)…

Cons? Everything including the shit-arsed fries (which used to be a KFC speciality), the cold burger, the soggy corn chips layered to give an air of Tijuana but felt more like a mouthful of wet bark, and the cost, which per square inch is more than Auckland property.

 

And herein ends the lesson….

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His cup runneth over…and then he required alka seltzer…


This is how they suck you in…

It was some time back when I chastised and exiled the ‘Big Three’ (McDonald’s, Burger King, Kentucky Fucked Duck) from the menu of my life and thus condemned myself to early retirement as far as fast food went…

…but evil-doing was making a comeback, and from a most unlikely quarter.

The powers-that-be at Wendy’s had long read and heard rumors of a ‘constitutional gut’ that existed in the colonies of the South Pacific and plans were made to create a new weapon of mass-destruction, a food seemingly so benign, so innocent in existence, that surely he, the man with the lead-lined stomach, he of gastronomic super powers, he the majority stakeholder in Purex toilet tissue would be lured back to face pimply-faced teens, malfunctioning EFTPOS machines, and slum-themed public bathrooms…and so they waited…and waited…and waited…

And it happened with such little fanfare that none believed it was true, but when a non-descript Tweet floated the ether from Aussie to New Zealand questioning (in Sasquatch-esque awe) the existence of such a behemoth he came from out of hiding, out of self-imposed isolation, and prepared to do battle once again, in the pursuit of justice, gut-rot, and the risk of diarrhea.

Read more…

Food Review – McD’s ‘Sydney Stack’ combo…


Disclaimer; actual burger may differ from that advertised…hang on! Was there tomato in the burger????

It was hardly a stack…more a small pile but I do see what they’re trying to do.

In the latest line of promotional food lines by the yellow arches we see one of life’s biggest contradictions; fast food promoting the world’s elite athletes, although I suppose that the majority of said athletes are injecting, ingesting, and investing in all manner of artificially produced steroids and supplements makes the link a little more believable.

But we’re not here to cast aspersions on the farce that is the Olympic Games, that’ll come in due course…to the burger itself.

I haven’t had the opportunity to let myself go on one of the big three in some time so was pleasantly surprised when the wife gave me some pocket-money to splash out on lunch today, and so it was rushing off the McD’s to see what new was on the menu.

The ‘Sydney Stack’ stood out, partly due a sense of patriotism at being an Aussie, partly because the other promotional offering, Atlanta’s Pork McRib looked like the Atlanta Letter Bomber had gotten to it first. And as my eyes are always larger than my stomach, and hindsight is 20/20 I ordered the large combo which set me back $11. Read more…

Food Reveiw – McDonalds Kiwi Angus…


What they have you believe...

For keen followers of my food reviews, and those who know me, fast food chains are a treat I afford myself rarely unless dealing with a particularly bad hangover. And it is this that brought me to McDonald’s new restaurant in Mt Roskill, Auckland. And it was this same hangover that had me choose something completely different from my normal fare at the “Golden Arches” – the second best burger going round is the Quarter Pounder, a feast that always has me wanting more than one in a sitting (including four  the night before my wedding!).

But this day last week, standing in front of the board feeling rushed to make a decision I made a conscious decision to order McDonald’s new (old) offering, the Kiwi Angus, which seemed fair as my last burger reviews centered on new/limited run options from KFC and Burger King….and we have a new king! Read more…

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