the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Archive for the tag “drinking”

In the Navy – my first…well how do I say this?

Irony; cannot use plastic.

Now that I’ve got your attention, it’s not quite as it sounds…well, sort of.

For those who follow my writings my last naval entry surrounded the pissing incident by my mate at a formal dinner. Well remember how I mentioned he then he ended up in a disciplinary court and lost leave on our pending trip to Asia…right, this is that trip. It was that afternoon after this that we were bundled onto a plane bound for Hong Kong to join up with HMNZ Ships Wellington (F69) and (for the girls) Endeavour (A11) – but first a night’s stopover in Singapore. Read more…


When you gotta go, you just gotta go!

Hang on, there's still beer in that glass!

The recent carry-on with CDR Butcher in the RNZN after a few drinks reminded me of many (read multiple, millions, heaps, shitload) of stories involving incidents on the plonk from when I was in the navy. But if Butcher was lucky to get away with his misdemeanour (although losing command is huge), then my mate Trent was bloody lucky with the punishment dished out with the following incident…

It was during my first year and while still training at Officer Training School (OTS). Every year there was a sports tournament between the three branches (Air Force, Army, Navy) whose participation was limited to Junior Officers which for us included 1st and 2nd Year Midshipmen and Ensigns. It is rotated around the various training schools and in ’91 it was the navy’s turn to host.
Read more…

Side Dish to Friday Drinks…

In my search for info on the Sydney-London beer drink I came across a truckload of facts and figures and great little anecdotes revolving around the beer drinking culture. This story is a fine example of a beer mixed with an Outback Aussie;

One not-so-bright Darwinite (that is, from Darwin) was having a few beers with his mate while driving from Mandorah back home (as you do). They were merrily driving along when this bloke (let’s call him Bruce), spotted a King Brown on the side of the road. Now given that a King Brown is one of the deadliest snakes in the world, how would you react? Well, Bruce could only think of his mates.

I remembered the guys at the Mandorah Pub wanted something to put in their fish tank. But I made the mistake of grabbing it with my left hand because I was holding a beer in my right one.

Ahhh, bad move Brucie. The snake, quite naturally after having been picked up by a beer swilling yobbo, “ripped” Bruce’s hand open with its fangs. Now most blokes would give up the ghost right then and there (after all, one bite is enough to kill you). But not our Bruce. Noooo. Not our Brucie.

I tore it off me and put it in a plastic bag and threw it in the back of the car. For some stupid reason I stuck my hand back in the bag, and it must of smelled blood, and it bit me another eight times.

Within seconds, our piss-loving larrikin was vomiting and having, let’s just say, unfortunate bowl problems. However, luckily for Bruce, his highly trained mate was there to give him a hand: as only Australian mates do.

My mate was trying to keep me awake by whacking me on the head and pouring beer on me.

The end result? Neither the beer nor the whacking was enough to keep Brucie awake and he ended up in a coma for 6 weeks. His arm withered and died and had to be amputated, and he no longer has the use of his legs. His final word?

I still can’t believe I had my arm chopped off just for one snake.

At least you can still drink with the other one mate. Hang in there. This guy is renowned for receiving the largest amount of snake venom and surviving.

Friday Drinks – Steinlager


Classically recognisable

Some would say this should have been one of the first to be added to my posts, but in truth it ain’t one of my favourite beers. That actually is harsh, it is a nice beer, but for the price there are plenty of others that blitz it, and doesn’t give you the same splitting headache the following morning.

Steinlager, a NZ institution and recognised worldwide (it is NZ’s biggest exported beer) was first brewed in 1957, bottled in brown bottles and called Steinecker which was the name of the company that produced the beer making equipment. It was changed in 1962 to Steinlager to avoid confusion with Heineken. It changed to its green bottle in 1973 when it entered the US market to market itself alongside other premium lagers out of Europe.

Taking away its headache qualities, Steinlager is a great drop that can only be served real cold and served with most anything. I find it great to douse the flames of a good chilli or curry, but one must be aware not to use it as a binge-drink or taken to a party as the morning after effects are multiplied as a result. A beer that seems to make your smokes taste funny.


Europeans use hot chicks...NZ uses, well, not sure...I think sheep might've been classier in this case


Government-Funded Drinking…

It would be fair to say that the public perception of navy personnel centres around either women or drinking. In this ditty, I will explain that even the most hardened of drinkers can be bettered, and by who?

Waka-too, The War Canoe

I was on HMNZS Waikato at the time, and after our ‘work up’ in Aussie, we proceeded on a three-month tour around Aussie into South East Asia with a return to NZ via Indonesia (and at the time, a transit inside the Great Barrier Reef, however circumstances had us detour, but that’s another story).

I was flatting with a mate who was also in the Navy, was a rating on Waikato as a Steward (similar to a waiter I guess) to me and my fellow Officers. When we embarked on this trip, for reasons that escape me at this time, we made a pact that we were to lay off the booze for this trip. All went well until we got into Port Klang which is the entry into Kuala Lumpur. After the normal processes in docking, we hosted a Cocktail Party on board (there are some beaut tales of these too) for local dignataries which I was to attend as host, and Harry in his normal duties. During this party, I befriended a local who was a business owner, and he and his wife offered me a lift into KL afterwards in their chauffeur driven limo.

I got Harry to get ready and we were driven in, shown some of the special places around town such as the King’s Palace (where they were dining the following night) and they set us down into the night life district so we could have some fun – as an aside, I had found out my girlfriend of the time was sleeping with someone else in my absence, so I was keen to make amends, but that’s another story yet again.

The place they directed us too was the place to be and outside on the ‘specials’ board was details of what was on and specials on drinks, and the one of notice was that a pitcher of beer was $14 Ringitt which equated to about $NZD3-4, and our reasoning was that the Cokes and orange juice we had gotten by the last month would be cheap as chips.

I bought the first round and fuck me if they didn’t cost $18MR for the two! I handed Harry his drink, and without saying anything, we decided together to hit the piss, and make up for lost time. We started on the pitchers and you would have thought we had been lost in a desert for months that speed in which we consumed, and soon fellow shipmates had joined us and we owned a corner of the club where locals and tourists alike (an Aussie lass to a real shine to me) joined in our party. As is with these carry ons, we started having sculling races with these pitchers (the equivalent of at least a couple of long necks here). When the local bar owner/manager came over, we thought we were going to be asked to leave, but instead he showed his appreciation of our skills and invited us to take part a drinking competition they held there regularly.

The Aussie I met in the bar...

The boys nominated me and a another shipmate (name escapes me, he was a Greenie which is in the Weapons and Electrical branch) and sometime later we were stood on stage with a menagerie of other people made up of some locals and other tourists (including the Aussie bird who after as many pitchers as I had was looking quite desirable). We were then handed our glasses of beer, about the size of a 12 ounce or schooner and me and my Navy mate just looked at each other thinking this is a breeze; I remember saying to him I could snort it up my left nostril quicker than the others could drink it. That is until they passed us our straws!

The harsh reality...

When the ‘go’ was given I was amazed at how hard it was to drink through a straw quickly, at least I should say beer, and I really struggled. At one point my mate complained that his straw wasn’t working to which I yelled out the side of my mouth it was due to the fact he had his pressed against the base of the glass! I finished, and actually thought I had won only to find the winner was a five-foot nothing Malaysian girl (I say girl as she looked all of 18) who had not only finished but by the time I had finished (into second place) she had walked off the stage and received her prize!!!!

Talk about being put in your place…although I did cherish my prize, a locally made green-tea cup.

PS…some time later that night (actually the following morning), I was awoken by the Third-in-Command of Waikato as he found me where I fell asleep…no word of a lie, I was climbing down the ladder that lead from the deck just under the bridge to the Officers Quarters, but had my chin rested on the lip of the hatch opening I was gong down through…so was asleep standing up. He generally was very stern and disciplined, but even he admitted he was impressed and let me crawl into my pit without a further mention.

OK, this is my bed, but where's my ship?

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