the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Archive for the category “historical”

The Destruction of The Twin Towers (gastronomically speaking)…

Official Report, 7 February, 2014 1928hrs;

Suspect entered the premises through front door in company with unidentified accomplice. Both were dressed casually, and at first inspection it would be deemed that there was nothing particularly threatening about them, however the well-built of the two was strikingly handsome which was the first indication there might be some problems – no one in their right mind can be that good-looking.

As they chatted to the teller it was apparent that the two were intoxicated, beer being the obvious substance due to vapors prominent in the closed confines of the restaurant. On scouting the area it was noted there was a bar of ill-repute right across the street and subsequent investigation indicated the suspects had been on site for some hours, quite possibly planning this attack.

After initially speaking to the young girl the manager was called out front to deal with whatever request had been made, and after considerable confusion come utter chaos as all staff members present were frantically dealing with their demands. While it was still not clear to me what their intentions were, the cash register did show a total of $75.40 demanded and authorities were alerted.

When the ‘booty’ was handed over there was an audible gasp from other patrons as it was now clear that something inhumane was taking place and there could be fallout. The two suspects made their way to a table far enough removed from everyone else and the attack began. The good-looking fellow seemed oblivious to the world around him as he remained focus on his planned attack, however his side kick may well have been having second thoughts as he could not concentrate on the task at hand, and was actually witnessed to have pulled out of what proved to be a futile exercise. The leader, however, was focussed and completed the annihilation in a time unofficially noted as being less than 20mins. With little fanfare of regard for their del;low human beings, they both left, the victor savoring a litre of Coke and Raspberry through a straw. On closer inspection of the damage their was no visible trace that anything had actually taken place; forensic evidence taken from the scene indicated this was a thorough and highly professional job and nothing of note could be lifted.

Case Unsolved; target at large.

Official Report, 14 February, 2014, 2132hrs.

In what proved to be a cunning attempt at flaunting their crime in front of authorities, both suspects re-entered the premises a week later than above, the irony of the date not lost on all present; The Valentine’s Day Massacre was a thing of folk-lore, however authorities alerted to the unfolding scenario were clear on one thing, this would be worse, with collateral damage.

Some staff immediately recognised the attractive man, and maybe in an effort to appease him spoke openly and with outward happiness which seemed to soothe the savage beast. Unlike the previous instance where confusion was dominant, the staff were obviously well-equipped this time round and quickly and efficiently had the task completed. Quite possibly as a result of the debacle the week before, the second person had somewhat distanced himself from the goal and had settled into a minor role on the act playing out before all and sundry.

The handsome male (did we mention how good-looking he was?) seemed intent on having his sick fantasy recorded for prosperity as the manager, now a guest in his presence videoed the entire spectacle from her smart device while the accomplice timed the affair on his.

In a blur, akin to a pack of sharks feeding on a carcass, the target was destroyed, obliterated from the annals of history to be nothing more than a mere memory, another yet forgotten victim of circumstance. It was both ugly and beautiful to behold, this slight frame of a person, possessing movie-star looks defied all laws of physics, biology, and human dignity to eliminate the target in less than nine minutes. He was coolly observed to have noted to all within earshot that he was attempting a sub-five minute attempt, however within the first few stages of the act manage to take some serious body shots; tongue, lip, and inner cheek showing battle scars which obviously slowed his progress.

And then they were no more, leaving in the same openly loud and obnoxious manner in which they had announced themselves. Those witness to it will recall the story for years to come, medical authorities will no doubt dissect this unnatural phenomenon, and insurance agents will rip up all paperwork.

Case Open; target still at large, considered highly dangerous in food circles yet so handsome.

Post Script; the record for consumption is held by a Canadian operative in the unbelievable time of 1min 19secs. In NZ it sits at a yet unconfirmed 6mins.

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Book Review; Original Gangster by Frank Lucas & Aliya King

9780091928674_p0_v1_s260x420I love gangsters. Not your Bloods and Cripps (sic), your Killer Bees and Mongrel Mobs…your classic, stereotyped gangster.

From Prohibition which brought us Capone and mobsters sporting comically dangerous aliases such as Jimmy Blue Eyes, Joe Bananas, and Vinnie the Butcher the mobster has been portrayed as a loveable rogue merely providing a much-needed service to the public, complete with violent killings and Italian accents.

Move on from this era and we hit the sixties and seventies where a lot of the ‘rules’ of being a gangster remained, but the landscaped changed, and the key currency on the street moved from booze to heroin, and the master of this domain was a 6-foot tall New York negro from the south named Frank Lucas.

Lucas didn’t need a fancy name, and for the greater part of his million-dollar a day earnings he didn’t need it. He was well-known to everyone on the street, was friends with big names such as Sammy Davis and Joe Louis, but until a weak moment during the Ali-Frazier fight in NYC, he was completely unknown to enforcement officers in the FBI, DEA and such.

This book is a fascinating look into one America’s most prolific drug importers. From his youth and the Ku Klux Klan, to stealing off the streets, and working for the then undisputed king of the Big Apple, Lucas lays his life on the table for all while setting the record straight, dispelling many rumors and misrepresented facts (e.g. importing heroin within the bodies of Vietnam servicemen being returned Stateside) to his involvement in bringing down corrupt cops.

The book is violent at times, subtle and humourous as well. But at no time are you left wondering what this guy wanted to achieve, and achieve he did. How he wasn’t killed is anyone’s guess, and that in itself is a testament to the guy.

As a fan of the movie genre I am looking forward to watching ‘American Gangster’ with Denzil Washington, and as this clip shows, fiction, and Hollywood as well, has a way of pulling the wool over your eyes as the book does not recount this incident (and wasn’t his MO as a rule)…but no doubt a must see if taken with a grain of salt. The book spells it out better…

Book Review; Catch That Tiger by Noel Botham & Bruce Montague

13592735In one of the lesser known acts of bravery in WWII, this book retells the story of a humble officer and a few hand selected non-comms who were given one simple order, directly from Churchill himself; “Go catch me a Tiger!”

The Tiger tank was the ultimate in tracked terror, an almost perfect combination of destruction and refinement, the largest tank of the North African campaign. Dwarfing anything that Germany, England, or America had in stock, the Tiger housed an 88mm within a 60-tonne shell capable of demolishing Allied armour accurately from 2 miles, while seemingly not having a single flaw. So steps up Major Doug Lidderdale.

When Churchill demanded that an intact Tiger be captured and brought back to England for analysis one would expect a crack team of elite commandos, the envy of every soldier and hero of book-reading youth, but no, Dog and his selected men were just mere tank repairers, which as this book reveals, was a heroic bloody mob in itself as they raced into battlefields with tractors to two back damaged tanks under shell fire.

The book is a mix of fact derived from letters and official documents, including Lidderdale’s own diary, but at times it feels a little fictional as conversations take place between some of the role players. All in all, it is an amazing story as young men risk life and limb to hijack a weapon that had no obvious predators, fiercely protected by the Nazis, and not only get it back to Allied lines, hide it from their own side and try to smuggle it back to Old Blighty.

With scenes of deception and cloak and dagger stuff, it reads at times like a James Bond novel, so it came as no surprise when Ian Fleming himself popped up in a starring role! In a case where any attempt to hide the ending, the Tiger obviously is captured, and shipped to England (with no real sense of urgency, I noted) amongst spies, repeated sub attacks and internal command break downs.

The propaganda photo soon after the tank's capture - however the team involved were not allowed to be mentioned as it wouldn't 'look good' if Commandoes hadn't carried out such a heroic deed.

The propaganda photo soon after the tank’s capture – however the team involved were not allowed to be mentioned as it wouldn’t ‘look good’ if commandos hadn’t carried out such a heroic deed.

A good book for anyone interested in war memoirs.

Hypocrisy Inc., telling you how it is…

When my feathers are ruffled…I strike out.


“Once, twice, three times, an Iron Lady…”

Love her or loathe her there is no doubting that Margaret Thatcher was one of the century’s shakers and movers. For me the enduring memory of her was when I was not even yet in my teens and watching her command the taking back of The Falkland Islands…

…so as she has been laid to rest here is a clip, itself an 80s institution, humorous to some, completely missed by others, and something for Kiwis to think about…


…is that right Johhny-Boy?

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