Dear John…how I hate to write…
7 May 2013
The Prime Minister
c/- the Beehive
Dear John (can I call you that?)
It was with both amusement and concern that I watched TV3’s News at 6 (Caroline is hot, and as the law allows, I might even turn for Mike) and saw Aaron “I have no idea who he is” Gilmore down here in our lovely city doing his Parliamentary duty by checking out CHCH’s drainage issues. This is somewhat apt considering he seems to be full of shit himself so I must applaud you on pairing the right people and roles (although that thicko Parata slipped past you, didn’t she?).
However before you get pleased with yourself over my praise for your job, I am somewhat confused why someone should be paid $140,000 a year to lean over bridge railings. I have done this for years myself, stumbling home from pubs, and parties, and what happened over said bridge ended up costing me money, not making it. So I put this to you, Sir, when you get rid of that arse Gilmore today I will happily put my name forward as Minister of Bridges and Drains, and here’s the kicker, I’ll only do it for a hundred grand a year.
Yours, less tax, GST, ACC Levy and EQC Levy
the “Do you know who I am?” alfmeister
Address Unknown (ask the GCSB)
PS…could you maybe get me a naked photo of Nikki Kaye and/or Jacinda Ahern? If you can’t, do you want one?