the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

In Rebuttal…

Yours truly, as a result of a dedicated diet removed of anything mineral, vegetable, and animal...i.e. McDonald's...

Yours truly (right), as a result of a dedicated diet removed of anything mineral, vegetable, and animal…i.e. McDonald’s…

Yesterday I had the pleasure to read the blog of an equally cynical mind, although I suspect he is of the ilk that has really yet come to sample the bitter sting of ‘real life’ being a mere student (Law, no less!)…however, he has earned credible stripes from working part-time in a bottley (for our non-Antipodean followers a bottley is a place where you buy over-priced piss).

…he claimed he had ‘solved the world’s problems’, so sporting the Staff of Angst and wearing inappropriate swimming gear I dived right in…as I am almost bound by contractual agreement to say; you’re wrong…in part.

Like yourself I have been known to pick on the fatties too, let’s face it, its easy, and last week when a portly Duncan Garner debated the feasibility of a ‘fat-tax’ I duly made up a bowl of popcorn, opened a fresh 1.5l of Coke, and wedged myself into the bum-imprint ingrained into my comfy sofa to mock and hiss as most Kiwis do…where no one can argue back.

While the masses argue gay marriage and Mighty River Power, the endemic (or could it be classed as pandemic?) problem of obesity is growing at an alarming rate (excuse the pun) and I for one find it disgusting that little is being done about it. The future effects it will have on our health and benefit’s infrastructure always has me pausing for effect before digging into that Family Bucket from KFC.

...and after three week's of a Government-sponsored fat tax...**Actual p[picture may vary considerably from the truth**

…and after three week’s of a Government-sponsored fat tax…
**Actual picture may vary considerably from the truth**

It has been mooted we ‘plug them into the national grid’ as a replenishable natural resource. OK, fair enough, but that would require special ‘fat farms’ made up of unqualified Asian surgeons liposucting the fuel from hordes of fat fucks which immediately throws up a flaw; to get to one of these clinics would require fat pricks to get off their collective fat arses to attend.

Personally, a fat tax is a good start.

…on being fat, and eating shit-fat-inducing food. Why should McD’s rope in all the cash? Time for the John Key/Bill English puppet show to combat the ‘nanny-state’ thinking of the left-wing bleeding hearts.

I pay ‘additional’ taxes on my booze, on my smokes, and on my carbon-footprint nightmare Ford Fairlane…so why stop there?

Any sane individual insures his car, insurance firms have made a living out of me due to the fear of not being insured , and someday a politician will be smart enough to make vehicle insurance mandatory, and an alternative solution to obesity lies within. Let’s enforce a compulsory life and medical insurance on chubsters. State, AMI, Vero, particularly good at extorting cash for no good return, please take on the cash crop that is diabetes and other fatty-fatty-boomstick related illnesses…

The Mayor for Porirua ( local body leader of the second largest population of fatties in the country, possibly)  claims such taxes would put the cost of fast food beyond the reach of the lower socio-economic…ummmm, why the hell are they eating at KFC and McD’s anyway? I would suggest they couldn’t/shouldn’t afford it anyway and I guess I do feel for them, what with their Sky bill, car payments on that new HSV, while renting out the state-owned garage to eight illegal can be a burden…

…can I be the first to congratulate Air Samoa on their recent charges implementation…mind you, a good way to alienate about 90% of your native population.

…and from such beginnings comes crime. While I don’t have the hard facts on it, it would come as no surprise to me (if it were in fact true) that the lower socio-economic, KFC-chaffing fatsos are probably tied up in some nefarious crime or another, be it benefit fraud, dope growing, pimping their kids on the streets, or wearing leggings in public.

jonestownJono The BARsTewARD makes a valid point of relocating the criminal element to the distant Auckland Islands. As a person who has been lucky enough to travel to the cold dark recesses of hell I nevertheless feel that shifting rapists and murderers there will only be of a disadvantage to the local fauna. Surely having the native pig population gang-raped by our dregs is not a nice outcome, well certainly not to the pigs…

Certainly just the name Auckland itself becomes a  deterrent, like Alcatraz, Sing Sing and the like, and with that I suggest we just keep them there, in Auckland…

…if its good enough for Bishop Tamaki…




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One thought on “In Rebuttal…

  1. Jono the BArSTewARD on said:

    By way of introduction, Alf and I almost became step-brothers once and we both have a fondness for Kentucky Fried Movie. As for being a student of life, I pretended to be a tree at the Army’s service for five and a half years, was self-employed as a field engineer and have come to law by way of giving up a broadcasting degree and ten years in hospitality. Life has given me a serve, and on occasion I have been able to stand up and hit the ball straight back. On other occasions it has either whistled straight past, knocked me over or flown stright into my gentleman’s area to the amusement of spectators.

    Compulsory medical insurance faces a few hurdles before it becomes the silver bullet of obesity. In fact medical insurance is like trying to shoot a mouse with a shotgun: wonderfully entertaining, but it exponentially increases the risk of collateral damage – in this case people with pre-existing medical conditions. I also point toward the example of health insurance in the United States. Medical care without it is all but non-existent and the US is the most obese nation on earth (or is it Australia?). Returning briefly to pre-existing medical conditions, while diabetes is also a known side-effect of obesity, diabetes exists as a genetic condition (which somehow I got). It cannot be the sole qualification for having my wallet hoovered dry by those bastards in the insurance industry. I also take a smallish issue with Air Samoa because while I’m 106kg, I’m not exactly captain lardy because I’m 6’3″ tall. The measure of our pork mountain should be through skin-fold measurements and the newly overhauled BMI measurements.

    I say bring on the suspicious looking Asian surgeon to drain our super-fatties but my argument was somewhat deflated last night by the announcement that Rio Tinto will no longer buy 14% of the nation’s generated power, resulting in an excess and cheap electricity for all. What a bugger, and I’m sorry for the 700 workers and their families, but you’ll either find a job in some other industry or save yourselves by some other means.

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