the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Fat loss is going to have to weight (!!) another year…


This beautiful town has a dark, dark, side to its underbelly...

This beautiful town has a dark, dark, side to its underbelly…

 

 

As if I hadn’t put enough weight on over the Christmas period…fuck me, I met, and fell in love with the new king of all burgers today; FergBurger’s Big Al.

The intent was to do business in the jewel of the south, Queenstown, and then get out of dodge quick as I faced a two-hour drive to Invercargill…yes, I know, why the fuck would anyone want to leave Q’town for the ‘arsehole of the world’, but I like to live life dangerously. And danger knocked on my door in the guise of a 1/2 lb of beef formed as two patties, with two eggs (yep, two eggs!) with bacon, onion, beetroot, and all manner of juicy morsels stamped between two precariously balanced buns which made dinner plates seem like saucers…

…and like the thrill-seeker I am, I ordered a side of fries, they themselves resembling tree branches.

As juicy as an 18-year old on heat and tasting somewhat similar, this burger has heart-attack stamped all over it, but by the grace of God himself, if this is nirvana, then let me die now.

alfmeister, meet Big Al...Big Al, meet your maker!

alfmeister, meet Big Al…Big Al, meet your maker!

There is a local legend, with supporting photo and written details, that someone consumed this beast in a mere 1min 43secs. Looking at the three course meal in my hands I actually believe I could take it on. However, I was in fine company and didn’t want to come across as some sort of human waste-disposal…ah, fuck, who am I kidding…Ferg, we will meet again, mark my words!

BK, McD’s, KFC…Ferg has achieved what all of you have tried and (miserably) failed at, they have defied all laws of gravity and physics to master a colossus of artery-hardening composition that actual looks like, and tastes better than it looks. I suggest you send your finest into Queenstown and learn from the best…long live Big Al (and at this rate, he’ll outlive us)…

Smokes (sans plain packaging) give an indication of size...and the burger did look better than this, but due to incessant drooling I had to take a big-angle shot...

Smokes (sans plain packaging) give an indication of size…and the burger did look better than this, but due to incessant drooling I had to take a big-angle shot…

As a post-script to this, I stopped in a small hamlet about 50km south and bought a spearmint thickshake…shit, I hope my insurance provider isn’t reading this!

 

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