the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Am I just being pedantic?

So, answer me this; who's stealing from who?

Ironic that I was berating the old fart who got told off for wasting the BSA’s time for the umpteenth time, emerging from his shadow like some sort of beligerent-in-training I came across a few things last week that just rubbed me up the wrong way. So donning cape and mask I walk the streets (huh?) like some sort of Grammatical Crusader.

Instance 1;

Getting petrol at BP Woodend I note a sign on the petrol pump;


OK, surely this is a case of stating the fucking obvious, isn’t it? ‘Not paying for petrol is theft’ makes a little more sense, and ‘stealing petrol is a criminal offence’ still comes across as a written overkill but ‘stealing’ and ‘theft’ in the same statement surely is OTT (did I just say that?). Really, what kind of people are we dealing with that need to be reminded that petrol is anything but free?

Instance 2;

On Twitter at some un-Godly hour of the morning I read a headline from Newstalk ZB;


One of my favourite films is “A Few Good Men” and part of that famous courtroom scene came flooding into my haze of a memory.

So in keeping with Tom Cruise’s character I Tweeted ZB; “Are there varying degrees of ‘tragic’?” I was, of course, finding humour in the headline, but soon got the following response; “Noted – it’s been corrected now :)”.

Instance 3;

Cigarettes, one of my true vices (along with booze, women, golf, food, porn and iPhones…

Now, I am a smoker, by choice, and while I would like to give up, and have done more times than I care to admit, I like smoking too much, like the fact that each puff takes me seconds closer to some quality time alone, and I vehemently despise the Government for their tax rises in a feeble attempt to stamp it out while at the same time applauding their initiative…what next, cars are banned due to the number of deaths they cause? Anyway, I am running off topic here…

As you can see my habit is getting out of hand...and the nicotine stains have extended beyond my fingers...

So last week in the frantic search for a packet of my beloved Pall Mall Menthols (which apparently have a higher risk of killing me than other smokes…really, does it really matter. Its like saying a grenade launcher is going to kill you more than a 9mm Browning…are there varying degrees of being killed too?) I knew of a dairy around the corner of where I was and sped towards the saviour of my addiction, the nicotine-stained drool rolling down my chin, when my eyes spied a sign over a shop; Discount Tobacconist. I pulled up outside and went in wondering what on earth this could mean. The place was no different in layout to the dairy just up the road, in fact it was a dairy, the only difference it wasn’t named after an Indian with a tacky tagline such as “Rana’s One Stop Shop” et al…at the counter I cast my eye over the banks and banks of cigarettes on offer and asked for my tried and true. Now here’s the kicker; it was in fact a discount tobacconist!Now from a personal point of view this is fucken brilliant, my packet of Pall Mall 25s being about $2.00, yes, $2.00!! cheaper than any and everywhere else I had ever been…but is this ethically right?

Here are the Government taxing the bejesus out of the bloody things and here is this nondescript little place undercutting the lot of them by what amounts to shitloads. And with a ban on cigarette advertising, is his sign a breach? As long as he sells them at that price, I’ll keep buying them, but in my head part of me can’t help but think its wrong…

…right, time for a smoke…


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3 thoughts on “Am I just being pedantic?

  1. You are hilarious! But I have a question…is that price correct? If so Americans should REALLY quit there whining about gas prices since we’ve barely reached $5 US in some areas. And if I got a $2 discount on my cigarettes I would only be paying $2.44! JUST cigarettes, booze, women, golf, food,porn, and iphones huh???? ROTF

    • the alfmeister on said:

      And I am halfway through re-hashing Chptr 4, so bear with me….you should have it tonight NZT (yesterday evening your time)…make sense?

  2. the alfmeister on said:

    You pay $5/gallon, is that right? That works out just over a doallr US per litre, that’s pretty cool. And you only pay $USD4.50 for a packet of fags???? Where’s my passport?!?!
    And I have many other vices, but they were the main ones…the others are sometimes best left unsaid.

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