the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Dealing with ingrates…

Being the top bloke that I am, I normally get out of bed first thing, with the kids while the wife sleeps off whatever hangover/come down she is suffering at that given time. Into the kitchen I will normally then proceed to do her jobs by giving the kids breakfast and milo, making lunches for us all, feeding the dogs, fish, and cats, and clearing out the dishwasher (which I filled) from the night before.

Well imagine my shock and horror when this email came through today…

Letter of Complaint

Dear Alfmeister (name changed so as to protect my true identity as a reporter for the Daily Planet)

I’m not sure if you are aware, but you have made a dogs breakfast of my lunch arrangement….

Upon opening my lunchbox, I was surprised to find a sandwich filling comprising of lettuce, cheese, vegemite and avocado. Quite a combination I must say.

When have you had avocado and vegemite together?

This not being to my tasting, I thought I’d eat something else from my lunch box. Alas, there was nothing to behold. I know we are in a ‘sugar-free zone’ this week, but a bit of fruit might have been satisfactory……

I’m not complaining about the fact that I have received a lunch….but was it really made with love today?

Lets discuss….

Your loving wife

"Sorry? Did my expression insinuate a give a flying f--k!!?"

Rebuttal was both swift and scathing…

I’m not sure how I should handle this…but Jake the Muss comes to mind.

I have had Vegemite (not that heathen crap Marmite) with avocado many a time and it is not only a nutritious and complete meal but you will bloody well eat what I f—cken well make for you, you ungrateful, whinging b—tch!!

Lots of Love, your Master Chef Hubby xxx

This letter has been handed onto someone in the Complaints Dept, which at the moment is being shared with EQC so someone should get back to you within 18mths.

the alfmeister 


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3 thoughts on “Dealing with ingrates…

  1. the alfmeister on said:

    A response from a mate in Aussie;

    “Vegemite, avacado with a few drops of Tabasco is one of the finer combos. Tell your lovely wife to pull her head in”

    As I said, I won’t name him, but I’m sure his wife Anna would have his guts for garters if he tried talking to her like this! Isn’t that right, Jase? Whoops!!!

  2. Anonymous on said:

    Oh we know he would NEVER speak to his lovely wife like that (imagining the bubble over his head pop up with that response) that’s is if he likes where his testies currently reside!!!! LMAO!

    • the alfmeister on said:

      Yep that would be about right.

      And when I tell my wife what I think what I mean to say is that’s how it seems when I think it out in my head.

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