the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Food Review – McDonald’s Chicken Scorcher (with Xtra Spicy Mayo)

Not spicy at all...was the burger?

The challenge was set….to quote;

@MaccasNZ We’re tucking into the brand new Chicken Scorcher burger and living it. Spicy.

@the_alfmeister (to @MaccasNZ) now that looks like a burger! Spicy? How spicy? Put toilet paper in the freezer spicy? As that’s what I like…

@MaccasNZ (to @the_alfmeister) Haha! Well each to his own, but we think it is pretty spicy!

After this initial banter on Twitter (ahhh, I hear some of you say not understanding all the hieroglyphics of above) 9 days ago it had been in the dark recesses of my mind to trial this supposedly ‘spicy’ offering, like a virgin sacrifice to King Kong.

Well, loyal reader of all things useless, today was that day where I took that challenge.

Armed to the teeth with my latest book (review to come later, 700+ pages) I wandered into Maccas on Moorhouse Ave in CHCH on a stunning Canterbury day. The birds were singing, and their was joy in the world as behind me the Grand Chancellor was being dismantled piece by painstaking piece…don’t know why they don’t fucken blow it up like the Yanks do, you can at least give them credit for that!

Now who wouldn't eat this? OK, Foghorn Leghorn might'nt...

Speaking to a young fellow old enough to take my daughter out (sure, meet my gun, punk!) I ordered the Chicken Scorcher Combo and up-sized it. For the benefit of those who read this State-side, up-sizing here is no big deal. You get a smattering of extra chips which a homeless person would take as an insult and a cup for your drink equivalent of a US cappuccino. And I asked aforementioned fellow was there varying degrees of spiciness, as in could I dial it up’ a bit? This actually flies in the face a little of my method of madness, and hopefully both BK and KFC won’t take umbrage to it and force a ‘cease and desist’ campaign as their burgers were treated as ‘stock standard’, ‘off the shelf’ if you will. the young man (and the cutie next to him who was by now fascinated by this anally-retentive fast-fooder with a book the size of King James’ explained that it was a combo of the pattie (chicken pattie?) and the mayo gave it the spiciness as advertised, and to oomph it to new levels could be achieved by adding more mayo. I duly accepted this offer and waited with drool rolling off my chin…

..imagine to my pleasant surprise when no sooner had I stepped back to allow a tattooed young, sexually-ambigous individual with the appearance of fruit salad make his order and there mine sat, beckoning me like the Holy Grail. Nicely done people!

Seated near the window, basking in the sun and book opened to Chapter 9 (“Fleet Action”) I chowed down my fries – I am a creature of habit and the food I least like to have a lasting impression on my palette are always eaten first, which is odd in this sense as McD’s do fine fries, most of the time – and then moved to the burger.

Why is the box required to hold the burger always at least 50% larger than is required? The burger – biggish enough I guess, certainly seemed value for money compared to times gone past – sat in the bottom looking a little forlorn, like a cowering child. And as the photo portrays, it is the delectable equivalent of a house – beautifully presented frontage to the roadside and passers-by, but nip round the back yard and it is overgrown in weeds with the rusting hulk of grand dad’s Holden and young Ruff lost forever amongst the rubbish. This photo shows the badder side…not a great start. But then again, they all bloody well do it and it seems there is not a jot we can do to stop it.

It's not even like I have big hands! Hardly inviting...

But lo and behold! My dear fatties (not that I’m fat, shit no, I have some pride in myself and can say ‘no’…except to booze and loose women) and Scoville-ites (that’s you @Crecre01), this morsel does have a kick, while not eye-watering, a kick nevertheless, like a three-legged donkey you got too close to. I have to say, KFC’s Zinger equivalents don’t compare, and while not anywhere as good as a good curry or Mexican dish.

I find Kiwis don’t have the stomach for rich and spicy food – they all say they do but considering the national dish is the humble mince-pie or fish n chips, I wouldn’t bet too much on this burger setting records in sales compared to the tried and true Big Mac and Quarter Pounders…in fact I would bank on most barely trying it once let alone again.

Me? I won’t eat it again it just didn’t drive me insane. The Quarter Pounder and Kiwi Angus still reign supreme (except for my beloved Double Whopper with Cheese) but with respect to my tasting ‘newbies’, this is a good’un.

But now it’s time to get pissed off. That extra mayo (spelt Xtra on the docket, wonder if Telecom don’t mind that?) that was offered, seems even ‘advice’ costs you. 30-bloody cents!!! While it is only pittance, that’s not the point: at no point was a charge pointed out (which strictly speaking is a breach of the Fair Trading Act) but 30c for a splotch of mayo (which actually ruined the taste if anything)…fuck, I would love that kind of mark up on my product!

Sorry, but it isn’t a critique without criticism. Thanks for the great service and the better-than-average meal and experience guys.

So, what next?


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14 thoughts on “Food Review – McDonald’s Chicken Scorcher (with Xtra Spicy Mayo)

  1. Blake Bedford-Palmer on said:

    I tried it today and I quite liked it, Better then the McChicken and I find its like KFC or Subway Chicken Fillet. I didnt get the extra mayo though

    • the alfmeister on said:

      I agree it is nicer although I remember when McChicken’s actually were nice, but thats a long time ago now. But is it nice enough to make me go back again for the same? Nope.
      And the Xtra mayo is not an offering, just a conversation we had that led to it being offered…at a cost higher than the going rate of milk and petrol!

  2. Anonymous on said:

    2 weeks ago i tried the chicken scorcher and the day after i got diarrhea.. first i though it maybe because of another food that i ate before but the week after on saturday i go and get the same burger for my lunch and in the result i have to spend my whole sunday in the bathroom.. i got serious diarrhea in the 2 days..
    that’s burger just so poisinous,, anyone has the same issues with me ? i should to sue MCD !

    • the alfmeister on said:

      Now that’s interesting. Have to admit other than some possibly dodgy savs after a rugby game at the start of this season where I shat through the eye of a needle I can’t imagine what food poisoning is as I have an iron-clad guy lining but it sounds a little more than just mere coincidence.
      Legal action is unlikely as it is still up to you to prove it and it is somewhat a case of your risk…think about a sailor sleeping with a prostitute: we’ll the defense would ask “what the hell did you think you were going to get?”
      Bad analogy I guess, although I was quite possibly squirting both ends then too…

    • Anonymous on said:

      I have tried this on two separate occasions and received ring stinging diarrhoea. It’s about as healthy as a hand prepared curry and roti off the side of the road in India.

      • the alfmeister on said:

        Hmmmmm….not a good look for Maccas now is it. So what is it put down to? Preperation? Cooking? The spices themselves?
        I think it is fair to say that ‘Delhi Belly” is very much a hit and miss affair, did you approach McDonalds about it? Let me know their response…

  3. the alfmeister on said:

    OK, so there has to be something about this burger, but having a stomach that can put up with anything I have to take your word for it…but is it the burger itself, or the presentation? Anon, are you in NZ?

  4. the alfmeister on said:

    a mate of mine in Aussie, who for some reason doesn’t comment via the blog, sent me TXT to the following effect;

    28.11.11 – Just indulged in a chicken scorcher…Me Likey. Will add cheese next time. Melbourne out.

    29.11.11 – You need to revisit the scorcher with added cheese chief – mouth watering wee morsel – just knocked back 2 on a 33 degree day. Hair a wee bit prickly right now but the choccy shake is leveling it all out. As you were.

    Now this is interesting – I haven’t seen iJase4 in some years, and I am guessing he has put on all the weight I lost! And in Aussie they offer cheese as an option? Honestly cannot remember the toppings on mine, but I don’t remember additional add-ons.

  5. I rather liked it, seems to be a tiny bit spicier than the mild nandos burger I usually get, with the cleaner, less “fall apart everywhere” attitude of a mcdonalds burger.

  6. Anonymous on said:

    i had the exact same problem. the night of and the day after following a scorcher burger… WORST stomach ache! i can tolerate chilli in other meals but something about this scorcher burger gives me excruciating pain afterwards. i was wondering if i was the only one!

    • the alfmeister on said:

      see i find this amazing. i had no real issue with the burger at all as such, and to me still wasn;t spicy enuff (so i guess i could bitch about false advertising), but i can handle hotter than most and love it when my nose runs, and eyes water. but i am getting increasingly concerned over the number of people telling me about their gastronomic horrors. are you all in the States by chance?

  7. Anonymous on said:

    no im from Perth, WA. my cousin just texted me asking me why i wasnt at work today, and i told her the story of the scorcher, and she said shes experienced the same thing!

  8. I am addicted to them ! As you say, it’s not eye watering but there is a kick, which I didn’t expect. I didn’t think it’d be spicy at all, so all those without the stomach for much spice would be able to handle it.

    My only complaint is the way the patty is way longer than the burger, causing much lettuce and mayo to drip out. Not that I want less patty, just a bun to match.

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