the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Book Review – Iceberg by Clive Cussler

As the blurb on the rear cover hints; “Here was a sea mystery to rank with the Bermuda Triangle and the Marie Celeste…”

Well sort of except that the Triangle and Celeste are believable…but they were right one thing, its rank.

When I started this I had some high hopes of it – a mystery ship is found entombed in an iceberg by the Coast Guard. Cool, sounds like a story. It covers espionage, assassination, a Utopian society, and skullduggery found only in modern politics which involves some of the most powerful people in the world. But as is so often the case, money and power are no match for common folk like you and me, and when these villans realise that maybe they will stop doing evil and combine their efforts for the common good…that was sarcasm, by the way.

Enter stage-left, Major Dirk Pitt – a chauvinistic blend of Bruce Willis and MacGyver, a man who possesses almost God-like qualities and power, and has the sexual appetite of both Kirk Douglas and Tiger Woods combined. Why this guy is still only a Major is anyone’s guess. And I bet he gets shit pay too! Christ! He could make a fortune alone out of selling his story to the tabloids or something…This guy single-handedly outwits the most powerful computer on earth, survives three attempts on his life, and beats a black-belt karate master with an upper cut. I think I could be in love with this guy, however I was somewhat bemused to find he can act the stereo-type gay one moment, and then turn away transsexual billionaires the next. I know, you are as confused as I am??? What or where was this story going? I didn’t have the answers, but the only question for me was “When was it going to end?”

Take this line for example as an indication of the tripe I endured; “The Grimsi (a boat) took off over the water like a racehorse with an arrow imbedded in its rectum.” Well, so deep and paints a picture perfectly…

I finished this last night, but all night I couldn’t help but think that I had heard or read the story somewhere before…and this morning I found it. Tucked away in the darkest recesses of one of my bookcases was a novel called Atlantis Found – funnily enough by Clive with his mate Pitt – and guess what? They stopped a (unbelievable) Utopian society then, too! Amazing!

Sorry folks, this story would go down as a must avoid, it stinks all the way from the Delta to the Deep Blue Sea…although still streaks ahead of Richard Laymon! Cussler, go back to archeology, you’d be doing natural history and us book readers both a favour.



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