the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

How To…


How to open two bottles of beer with the two bottles of beer…

A couple of weeks ago I taught you how to open a single bottle of beer with a cigarette lighter or if you’re so inclined, and weapon which can get purchase, but this week is half of the ultimate test of manhood (or butch womanhood)…and I’m not talking about with your teeth or eye-socket (which I have seen).

To do this does take some practice, skill, and a certain amount of timing. I say timing as I have done this at a party and ended up opening the wrong bottle first which ended up spilling a lot of its contents onto the floor.

Step 1a; the bottle you wish to open first is held around the neck in an upright position just below the cap. The second bottle is done likewise in an inverted position. Line up the edges of the bottle caps and wedge into a position for leverage using the bottom hand as pressure/leverage point. With some bottles it may help to line up the ‘teeth’ with each other for purchase – this is the only way to do this on some bottles as their caps tend to be clamped inwards tighter than other brands (as was the case with the Corona in this example).

Step 1b; with continued pressure against the caps lever the top bottle downwards

Step 1c; The trick is to have the top bottle pull the teeth of the bottom bottle’s crown cork top as well as lifting it up which stops the top bottle’s cap from having the same done, thus spillage.

Step 2a; opening the second bottle – grip the second bottle’s neck as in step 1a close to the cap.

Step 2b; using the cap off the first bottle, wedge it in between the hand and the other cap, again consider lining up the teeth for purchase. Using the same leverage and pressure pry the cap off. Note, due to lack of leverage, more exertion will be required, and this will impart some pain – always maintain a manly look of ease on the face at all times.

Step 3 (not shown in photos due to liquor advertising laws) ENJOY! Which actually seems contradictory seeing as I had Corona.

PiS…despite my manliness, I managed to slice myself with the leveraging bottle cap…no fear, blood spilled is the ultimate sacrifice for toughness, just ask Chuck.

Anyway, this weeks show has been brought to you (unknowingly and without financial support or fanfare, so I may as well not even mention the tight-fisted bastards at all), Corona, a beer the wife won at something at her work. Hey, they were free…

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