the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

In the Navy – my first…well how do I say this?


Irony; cannot use plastic.

Now that I’ve got your attention, it’s not quite as it sounds…well, sort of.

For those who follow my writings my last naval entry surrounded the pissing incident by my mate at a formal dinner. Well remember how I mentioned he then he ended up in a disciplinary court and lost leave on our pending trip to Asia…right, this is that trip. It was that afternoon after this that we were bundled onto a plane bound for Hong Kong to join up with HMNZ Ships Wellington (F69) and (for the girls) Endeavour (A11) – but first a night’s stopover in Singapore.

Despite being hung over and tired from the previous night, by the time we landed in Singas some eight hours later we had cleaned the plane of beer, rum and coke. And I think I had smoked a packet of smokes too (remember those days?). Of the flight, I distinctly remember a few of us smoking and drinking at the rear of the Jumbo and having arguments (all in jest) with a bunch of muslims…wow, imagine that today.

Anyways we landed in Singas and were taken to our hotel and we all went out together for dinner – my first ever Asian meal, and the start of a lifelong love affair with the region – and after that some of the boys wanted to head out on the town. Surprisingly I chose not to instead going to the movies with two of the girls (one later to become my girlfriend) before retiring to bed.

Sometime later that night my roomie TD came back with a few of our mates – JS, BT, and TW- and a few girls. Well soon the room’s bar was open and drinking and cuddling took place, all the while I stay sitting up in my bed chatting away now somewhat awake for obvious reasons. It seemed that JS and BT had hooked in well with the two good looking girls, and the third, well that was anyone’s guess. She needed a chop tied around her neck to get the dog to play with her…ewww, so it came as no surprise as she started snaking her hand under my bed sheets. Rightio, enough of this not my scene lady, and as I wandered into the bathroom to do wees I noted that TW had gone to bed, and BT had slinked off to his room with his girl. JS was sweet-talking his near the window, and TD kept egging me on into a threesome with the ugly one. No way Jose!

So there I am taking a piss when the door opens and she’s there again trying to make the moves on me when – and I swear this is what she said – she muttered in broken English that “I think I have got AIDs”…well I was just a 17-year-old boy from the country, and suddenly I am thousands of miles from home being accosted by some crone in my hotel toilet talking of a disease that had only been “invented” some years before…as I ran back into the room the hotel phone rang…TD answered it and it was BT boasting he had just slept with the girl he had left with. Typical back slapping and congrats all round and then TD proceeded to ask how we were going on the threesome…I should have punched him right then (apart from the fact he was a good mate, he was also a fucking big Maori!

Just as I started blabbering about the incident that George Michael would (sort of) recreate some years later the phone rang again. I picked it up to have BT blubbering in my ear “She’s just asked me for money! She’s a prossie!” “Ha ha! You fucked her!” was my instant response which came back with “No I didn’t! No I didn’t!”.

It was here that I tried to usher everyone out of my room – look, I’m no prude as you all well know, but this was getting out of hand and I felt somewhat uncomfortable where it was leading. For one, the bar was all but cleaned out by the them, and I started to get the impression that the girls were in no hurry to leave without payment (for what???).

It goes a bit hazy for a few hours, I know I didn’t sleep for fear of what she might do to me…and when the bus came to take us back to the airport we all wandered out bleary-eyed. The girls wouldn’t leave us alone and hung round the lobby like a bad smell. The hotel wouldn’t let us go until we paid for the bar. TD took care of this as it transpired that he had taken money from the ugly one’s purse while she slept “in compensation” which it turned out why they wouldn’t leave as they suspected one of us had done it.

A girl welcomes a NZ naval ship into port.

All in all a mess, something that certainly raised the eyebrows of our escorting Divisional Officer – for me, it was an eye-opener that made me very wary of who (or what) I mixed with while in Asia (in fact anywhere) although this was not my only dealing with ladies of the night…

And keep an eye out for another story from this trip which assumes that TW, TD, and JS didn’t learn to keep below the radar.

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