the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Bitch Session feat. Food Review – Burger King

Even the logo looks bigger...

The other night I saw on TV a feast that made me drool more than Homer Simpson…the Burger King Rodeo Quad Stack. Seeing the ad I immediately bailed up the wife for some extra pocket-money to sample one for lunch (yesterday) to which she agreed…YAY!

For those who don’t know, I love BK – Double Whopper with Cheese to me is one of the edible wonders of the world.

So into BK in Shirley and I put in my order for a Quad Meal for $10.40 and sat down in a booth. About five minutes later the table lay bare…the thing was disgustingly delicious however was nowhere near as salacious as a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder or Double Whopper (with or without Cheese).

But at times like this I wish I had so little self-esteem that I could eat myself to death but my Achilles heel is I do have some pride in my health and the burger, fries, and raspberry Schweppes was more than sufficient (this time).

But while this was horribly fantastic, now it’s time to rip into Burger King and the company responsible for their advertising, something I set out to do the moment I saw the ad the previous night.

That's him Officer...the one on the right!

As you can tell by the pictures, what you think you are going to get and what sits before you are akin to waking up one morning only to find the f-f-ugly (fat and fucken ugly) woman next to you obviously snuck into your room during the night and devoured the hottie you picked up in the bar.

In the pursuit of some sort of justice and in the interest of science I had armed myself with a camera, ruler, and writing pad, and herein lie my findings;

Using the buns I received as a constant – measurements 106mm diameter, 18mm (av.) thickness – I compared to pictures used in advertising

Even Dr Kevorkian would be proud!

The burger I was served totalled a mere 66mm high. WIth the buns taking 36mm of this that leaves only 30mm for four patties, four slices of cheese and a layer of whatever it was at the top (plus condiments). Sorry, but to me that seems a bit shitty to say the least…the very bloody least.

Looking at it from a different angle (and the view really gets no better), in comparison to the ads (and based only on the bun being ‘constant’), my burger is 63% smaller than it should be – this means either I have been sold a burger 39mm smaller than it should have been, or I was overcharged by $3.90! According to wiki.answers, there is 70g of fat in a Quad Stacker. Now this is an American version which has four rashers of bacon as well (be still my heart) so taking Yahoo! Answers figure of 4.3g of fat per rasher we can safely assume the Stacker is about 57g in fat (which is actually more than the much vaunted Double Down by KFC which you can read in an earlier post).

This in essence means pound-for-pound and dollar-for-dollar, eating my Stacker today worked out as a more expensive method of killing myself than a packet of cigarettes!

And to drive the point home…the picture used in the ad I have attached, in full 830 x 680 form I downloaded it as is BIGGER than the actual burger I had!!! How fucked up is that?!?

Betcha none of these girls have seen the inside of a BK joint...

Disclaimer…while all attempts were made by the Author to buy a burger comparable to that seen on TV, this may change from restaurant to restaurant, and then also on the person making it out back. Please do not consider the Stacker as an alternative to smoking – while both are fantastically enjoyable, this is only the Author’s dream. Note, Stackers may not be an effective way to commit suicide, but could be considered an ideal way to get really, really fat, and broke. That is all…for now.

PiS…I still love BK. I may just consider negotiating a price next time.

PiSS…despite rumours, I did not have sexual relations with any/all of the women in the last photo. They wanted to but I was abstaining for the All Blacks…shit! I’m a Wallabies supporter!!! Girls…Girls?


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4 thoughts on “Bitch Session feat. Food Review – Burger King

  1. Righto – in order to enhance the bounds of human knowledge (and because it is junk food Friday) I have undertaken some research on your behalf. Now even though, I am not a BK fan, and even though a new McDonalds (Kiwi Burgers – yum) has opened up only 400m from where I live, I drove an extra 3kms, to BK in Dominion Rd, Mt Roskill, to add to your findings and ordered a Quad Stack (the things I do for you). Here are the results:

    1. The price I paid was for the meal was $11.25 (this was a large – I am assuming yours was too – why the price difference?)
    2. My burger measured 70cm – the buns were only 20cm – not squashed or flattened either.
    3. I was too hungry to take a photo – but your burger does look like the poor cousin who can’t get laid at a hillbilly family reunion, compared with mine. There was thicker cheese. Having said that, if I had taken a picture – it would take a highly skilled graphic designer, with years of photo shopping experience to make my burger look like anything in remotely in BK’s advertising.
    4. You didn’t mention Onion Rings. In mine there was something imitating an Onion Ring: it got the ring part right – but was sort of soggy and tasteless. It obviously failed its Taste Enhancement course at the Onion University.

    So to conclude, I think I will just continue smoking instead of shortening my life at BK.

    • the alfmeister on said:

      70cm! Shit that’s a mouthful (and a half)!
      A reader in California wishes she could send me a burger with one of the coolest names I have ever heard for food;
      A Double-Double Animal Burger – now while it’s name suggests otherwise, it actually only comes in at 41g of fat and just under 700 calories…way below some behemoths available…but all aside, apparently it is very much a favourite.

      • Whoops – got my measurements wrong – should be 70mm and 20mm – but i think you figured that! (No comments about that being the first time I have overstated size please)

  2. the alfmeister on said:

    Dining Date 16/Sept/11. I went back to the same place today and had a Double Whopper (no cheese) large meal and can happily say that it was the best I have had and still remains my number 1 burger. Well done guys…although, I didn’t take my ruler with me this time.
    It was interesting to note that there were some ‘suits’ there who came across as Head Office types…hmmmmmmm…

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