the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Bitch Session & Food Reveiw


If only mine looked this good!

This will be short and sweet as I fear my life will end as a result of the shittiest serving of fish n chips I can remember.

We took the kids to Waikuku Beach for the day and decided to sample the local ‘greasies’ which had plastered loud and proud across its decaying front “Famous Fish n Chips”…not sure where they were famous…the River Somme circa 1915? Death Row?  

It started out promising when I put in my order for five fish and two scoops of chips. She asked me what kind of fish (Snapper, crumbed, battered etc), and then the chips (normal, straight cut, crinkle, shoestring, beer battered) and then what flavour on the chips even (salt, none, garlic, chicken, lemon and pepper) – I chose stock standard fish, normal chips with lemon and pepper (medium!) for $13.50. Seemed OK…until we opened them out on the grass in the park!

What sat before me looked like it had been combed off the beach in yesterday’s storm. Fish that looked like it had well been dealt to by the recent sewerage dumping off CHCH, chips looking like they suffered the same effects of drought hitting Somalia currently, and the same bloody colour! Eating the newspaper it was wrapped in seemed a larger (!) and more satisfying meal…tasteless, dry, shit.


Don't let the local cuisine put you off Waikuku Beach and the Ashley River Mouth...stunning place

The local is in the enviable position of being the only General Store/Dairy/Takeaways in the lovely little seaside town of Waikuku Beach, but in no way does this give them the right to serve the cardboard tasting charcoal provided to me. Never again, even after a bender with the boys where a taxi driver drops me in the wrong place with no directions to go and every food source nuked within 20miles.

PiS…I see they had become a finalist in some regional competition for chips. In 2008…I suggest at the risk of breaching the Fair Trading Act they remove this sign immediately.

PiSS…maybe all other greasies have been ruined for me considering we have two of the best fish shops in North Canterbury, if not the country in Victoria Seafood Bar and High St’s Fish Shop.



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4 thoughts on “Bitch Session & Food Reveiw

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Read your review. Sorry to hear about your bad experience. I too have had food from here many times and found the food to be excellent. I too have visited the other shops you mentioned. I would agree with one of them but the other my kids won’t even eat. No doubt you not only wrote about it but I am sure being a man of integrity you would have taken them back and informed the shop of your concerns. I have gotten to know the owners and I know how they would have felt and dealt with your concern. What was the outcome? A shop is not judge only by it food but how they deal with a complaint. Even the best of us have off days. I hope next time you have the same experience I have every time I get food from here nothing but excellent. Thanks Steve

    • the alfmeister on said:

      Thanks Steve, interesting words.
      No, I didn’t take it back and complain for two reasons; i) it is not what I want my kids to have to learn about at their age, later sure, and ii) its food – whether I got them that day, the day before, or the day after, it should be at a consistently high standard. And if it was in keeping with standard, my review is more than justified, and if it was a one off, that’s a shame, but it would be surprising if the quality between normal and what I had that day was at such extreme ends of a spectrum…and these were that bad, so my integrity doesn’t enter it, theirs does. Mixing up and order warrants a direct complaint as this is short changing…bad service and bad food does not warrant a direct complaint as what would change?
      I do hope you continue to enjoy eating there, but I won;t be back, and won’t recommend it.

  2. Anonymous on said:

    I have to say as a regular visitor to this shop, I have always received fantastic food and amazing service, I know for a fact that they would have been more than happy to replace your meal no questions or arguments about it. The owners of this shop are grateful of any feedback that they get because it allows them to make adjustments accordingly. As for the “decaying” building, the shop has been there for a very long time and although its weathered it has received quite significant earthquake damage, and they are waiting ( as is everyone else ) for an outcome in regards to getting it fixed up.
    I agree with you that there are places out there that are terrible and under no circumstances warrant a second visit, but this place is not one of them, not only do they service the local area with yum food and general items but they have also been a central hub for information in the recent times of need, and the owners go out of their way to help people in need at all hours of the day. Cut them some slack, although your entitled to voice your opinion you don’t need to be so nasty in doing so.

    • the alfmeister on said:

      Dear Anonymous, when you can come out from behind your “keyboard courage” then I might warrant you a reply. The fact of the matter, which I pointed out to the last person that made a comment was that any establishment only has one chance to impress a customer – and in this case they didn’t and they shall be judged on that. If they had been half decent I would have given them another go, and certainly if they were very good I would be going back, but that is not that case. Now you can support them all you like, that is your perogative, but don’t you dare come the holier than thou with me as that indicates some form of nepotism, or maybe you just haven’t actually tasted what fish and chips SHOULD taste like? As it stands, I will not recant a single comment, nor will I sample their wares again. I wish them all the best, but I leave this with you; if a politician embezzeled funds from taxpayer money, would you give him a second chance? Should we give Weatherstone (sic) a second chance? Note quite the same analogy, but in life, we get one shot – it’s up to those who wish to grasp it and who choose to fail, and this establishment failed…on this one and only opportunity. And a hypocrite I am not…

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