the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Side Dish to Friday Drinks…


In my search for info on the Sydney-London beer drink I came across a truckload of facts and figures and great little anecdotes revolving around the beer drinking culture. This story is a fine example of a beer mixed with an Outback Aussie;

One not-so-bright Darwinite (that is, from Darwin) was having a few beers with his mate while driving from Mandorah back home (as you do). They were merrily driving along when this bloke (let’s call him Bruce), spotted a King Brown on the side of the road. Now given that a King Brown is one of the deadliest snakes in the world, how would you react? Well, Bruce could only think of his mates.

I remembered the guys at the Mandorah Pub wanted something to put in their fish tank. But I made the mistake of grabbing it with my left hand because I was holding a beer in my right one.

Ahhh, bad move Brucie. The snake, quite naturally after having been picked up by a beer swilling yobbo, “ripped” Bruce’s hand open with its fangs. Now most blokes would give up the ghost right then and there (after all, one bite is enough to kill you). But not our Bruce. Noooo. Not our Brucie.

I tore it off me and put it in a plastic bag and threw it in the back of the car. For some stupid reason I stuck my hand back in the bag, and it must of smelled blood, and it bit me another eight times.

Within seconds, our piss-loving larrikin was vomiting and having, let’s just say, unfortunate bowl problems. However, luckily for Bruce, his highly trained mate was there to give him a hand: as only Australian mates do.

My mate was trying to keep me awake by whacking me on the head and pouring beer on me.

The end result? Neither the beer nor the whacking was enough to keep Brucie awake and he ended up in a coma for 6 weeks. His arm withered and died and had to be amputated, and he no longer has the use of his legs. His final word?

I still can’t believe I had my arm chopped off just for one snake.

At least you can still drink with the other one mate. Hang in there. This guy is renowned for receiving the largest amount of snake venom and surviving.

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