the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Book Review – Island by Richard Laymon


“If you’ve missed Richard Laymon, you’ve missed a treat” – Stephen King

Well my guess is;

  1. Stephen hasn’t read a Laymon book
  2. Stephen got paid shitloads to say this (which is on the front of most of his books, so was it by book or an all-encompassing?)
  3. Stephen mistook Laymon for someone else
  4. Stephen’s a crackpot

Now I use the numbered ‘options’ as a parody to how this book is written, it pops up a lot, but you know what, they aren’t the only annoying thing in this book.

You can't tell a book by it's cover...

In what has got to be the worst book I believe I have ever read, and I’ve read a lot, Island would be the literary version to the multi-Raspberry movie winner, Battlefield Earth. I have to admit, I have never seen Battlefield Earth but I will take their word for it, as you should mine. What makes it embarrassing is that I couldn’t put it down, like a really bad movie where you can;t take your eyes off as you just have to see the ending, this applied here.

And like an old man watching TV, I found myself yelling (inside my head) at the book, it’s characters, and the plot almost all the way through…I wanted to slap the 18-year-old packet of testosterone about a bit and tell him to start acting like a man and stop getting hard-ons while people were being slashed and slayed around him. I also wanted to put my foot where the sun don’t shine in the bastard who was the evil influence in this – note, next time you wish to capture a group of people, kill off the men and keep the women for sex slaves, when you scope out the place the week before, bring a fucking gun! Trying to do all this with a couple of kitchen knives and an axe seems amateurish (much like the writing). And 14-year-olds being raped…c’mon mate, does your missus know what you do in your office late at night when you barricade the door telling her you’re doing important work? Suddenly American Psycho seemed to have an air of normality compared to your deviant mind…and this scathing remark form a self-confessed deviant!

AAARGH! YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND JUST HOW BAD THIS WAS!

Which is also why I recommend you read it…if you read this, anything else will be great, even your bank statement and the flyers in your mailbox.

And for those who read my previous reviews on Laymon’s books (four to date), I have mentioned he seems to have this deep-seated fascination with sex, and not just sex, sometimes a little bit weird sex. Well this book blows them all right out of the water and onto the beach. The guy’s fucked in the head.

Now while in my last one I thanked Tash for giving me a few of her books to read, now I’m not so sure. I have one more to read…let me debate whether I want to read this one, or stick toothpicks under my foreskin while eating a selection of raw giblets. Now where did I put those toothpicks?

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