the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Come Fly With Me…


A few years ago me and Katie flew to CHCH for a wee holiday – well actually, Katie and two friends were doing a horse-trek up in the hills behind Hawerden for five days, and I took the opportunity to get out of Auckland and catch up with my old stomping ground. Now this story has nothing to do with the time down here, it is an ‘incident’ on the flight home…

We had been booked on Pacific Blue for our return trip, with a stop-over in Wellington, and we were seated right on the wing next to the emergency door, me right beside it. The air-hostess, a young pretty thing, came up to us and asked if we would be OK if we were to assist in ‘the unlikely event’ of an accident. Personally I don’t have a problem with it, and said so, and she showed me how to open the door and procedure with evacuating. But it was her next request that started me off;

  • “So sir, if we ditch in water, and on our instruction, can you please walk up the back of the aircraft there behind you and retrieve the life raft from the locker above and bring it back to this door?”
  • “Pardon??”
  • “If you could go back and get the life raft and bring it back to this door…”
  • “Hang on. You want me to go back there and grab it?”
  • “Yes”
  • “Is it just me, or would it make more sense for someone back there to bring it forward with them?”
  • “No, procedure has you do it”
  • “But when we crash, you’re expecting me to fight my way back against the flow of people to grab it when they may as well bring it up here…surely?”
  • “No sir, they will be seated as per our instructions…”
  • “I’m guessing you haven’t been in too many crashes have you? If this plane goes down I doubt if those people back there are just going to sit…human instinct says they’ll be rushing here for my door!”
  • “Do you want me to shift you from this door sir and get someone else to do it?”
  • “No! We go down, I’ll be out this door so bloody quick…”

She walked. So it transpires, I was put in another seat once we re-boarded in Wellington. She didn’t say ‘boo’ to me as I walked on and back off…fair enough.

"Thank you for flying with us...just remember to be careful opening your overhead locker as objects may have moved..."

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