the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Sure-fire way to become sterile (not recommended)…

I am reading a book at the moment that made reference to something about radar emissions making men sterile, and it reminded me of a ditty from my time in the Navy – I laugh at it now, but back then, and for a while after I didn’t think so.

HMNZS Waikato in Procedure Alpha


At the time I was posted on HMNZS Waikato (F55) and from memory we were returning into Auckland Harbour after a three-month long cruise around Aussie, up through Asia and back home via an unscheduled stopover in Fiji. As it had been such a long tour of duty, entering harbour required all crew except those required on duty to be lined up on the upper decks in full formal dress in a manner known as Procedure Alpha. This is quite a sight with ratings lined up around the entire waist of the ship (the flush deck) while officers were assembled around the upper decks and bridge. My ‘station’ was above and slightly aft (toward the rear) of the bridge.

We were all in position by (no relation) the time the ship approached Alpha Buoy which indicates the start of the entry into harbour, and it would take about an hour to enter and berth alongside Calliope Wharf in the Devonport Naval Base. So here we were. lined up like penguins in warmer than normal conditions and pretty much just doing that…standing. About half an hour since lining up the WEO (Weapons Electrical Officer) wandered out onto the bridge wing (a balcony off the bridge) to take his position when he happened to look up at us lined up. He just stared for what seemed like minutes before muttering; “That’s right, I was meant to turn off the ‘whips’!” Whips are the term used for the multitude of aerials located around the ship. Each of these have a red circle painted about 2m across with a warning worded something like this; NO STANDING INSIDE AREA FOR LONGER THAN 10 OUT OF EVERY 60MINS.

Arrow marks where we stood frying our testes...


Shit! So for all we knew, standing there at least half an hour non-stop, our ‘swimmers’ were nuked beyond recognition giving us the likelihood of producing 6-fingered off-spring!

PS…as a lot of you know this had little or no effect on my bullocks…however Katie thinks it minced my brain instead!


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