the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

“You are getting sleeeeeeeepy…”


OK, I don’t want to take the piss out of our brainwashing hypnosis mates, but I have seen some bloody beauts these last few weeks…first they bought you “Hypnosis to Fucken Well Stop Cursing”, and now they bring to you, solutions for a multiple of ‘everyday problems. By all means read through the list and choose those ailments that you need help with, there’s one for everyone! It is just like those travelling medicinal men from the Wild West, “We have an elixir that will cure your bunyons”…shame they can’t stop my bleeding bloody piles!!!!

So without further adieu…have a giggle on me;

Charge What You Are Worth – yeah, OK, this is a good’un for those workers on Edgeware Road

Dealing With Difficult People – easy, refer the hypnosis therapy for swearing and cursing; works for me!

Enjoy Doing Paperwork – Thank God! Here I was thinking my arachnophobia was my only real problem!

How To Write Songs – such a shame to see that Paul McCartney and John Lennon (RIP) wasted all those years when they could have achieved it in one easy payment of $12.95!!!  And to reinforce the strength of this one, here is a quote from a satisfied customer; “I’ve just completed my first song since listening to your song lyrics hypnosis download (many times)” – Victoria Conn…WHO THE FUCK IS VICTORIA CONN?!?!?!?!

And for a personal favourite of mine;

How To Stop Getting Irritable – now as sales pitches go, this is one of the best I have ever seen, and may even consider using myself! “Do you sometimes feel driven to the brink of murder by your irritation with the trivial annoyances of daily life? You are not alone.”

And do you know what? It doesn’t stop here…really, I don’t want to keep taking the mickey, I’m all for affirmations and bettering yourself, but c’mon, take some responsibility – there is no quick fix, otherwise I would be a 90kg, non-smoking, love-making machine who wrote Number 1 hits and loved filing paperwork; like I used to be when I was younger.

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