the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

Silly Sausage…


In a new series of posts, I will be testing and reporting on sausage sizzles I experience in my travels. Sausage & Bread is one of my all-time favourite snacks, meal even, and as an expert on this mode of ala carte, I will endeavour to unearth the greatest fund-raiser going.

Methodology; none really. If I happen to see one as I wander into the Warehouse, or other fine establishments I am prone to visit, I will set my taste buds in motion. There is specialised training to be able to eke out the perfect snarler…but it doesn’t just stop at that, onions, sauce, bread and mustard will be put through the wringer too.

Criteria; again, none. This is an exact science, like Master Chef, and the proof is in being able to put the sizzlers on the back foot by arriving unannounced so as they may not have a ‘sleeper’ waiting in the wings.

Points; points will be awarded on originality, presentation, taste, others may be awarded willy-nilly as I see fit, because I am that crazy kind of fly by the seats of my pants guy. If they use real sausages, and not the obligatory Mad Butcher specials, then preferential treatment will be given, if they taste good of course. Use of butter on bread is an automatic bonus point, as is hot mustard. Cost will be taken into account and can raise the charity up in the stakes, or down low for greediness.

The first sausage comes to us today from the Rangiora Girl Scouts. parked up outside the Rangiora Warehouse, this misfit band of adults hocked their wares unbeknownst that the “Masked Sausage” lurked nearby. Katie actually got this one for me as I was putting the kids in the car, so I cannot comment too much on prep, however the signage was clear and concise, no small print appeared to show – and while their use of loud and brash signage on the windows as well as off the end of the BBQ, they showed their hand too early by selling them for $2…not a good start, unless it was one hell of a sausage!

Presented to me in the car proved to be somewhat disappointing as well – the sauce was all lumped up at one end of the banger instead of artistically being painted the length of it, and had spilled straight down one side of the bread. The onions, looking like an after-thought poked out of the bread the same end like some Mediterranean women who failed to get a bikini-wax. Thankfully is was wrapped in a serviette, in fact the absorbance of it suggested even something close to a Handi-Towel such was its strength – good save, but maybe not enough.

Finally on tasting – it was definitely a pre-cooked puppy, and no doubt one of many from the Mad’s 20kg bag specials. Now don’t get me wrong, these are nice sausages, especially when cooked and served up well, but when you’re forking out $2 of your hard-earned cash, you expect something bordering on the Mona Lisa of sausages!

All in all a disappointment although I did still devour it. No mustard was forthcoming, and to me that is pure evil, but I won’t punish them on the onions as I prefer mine closer to raw than cooked, and Katie will just have to learn from her mistakes (she’ll only make it once, let me assure you!).

For me, 2 out of 5, and that’s only fair considering I was not involved in the decision-making, and the serviette-come-Handi-Towel was a beauty. Sorry Girls, but you shoudl know better, portrayed as camp-fire cookers and all – for the money, a trip through the Maccas Drive-Thru would be a better option.

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