the alfmeister

a figment of reality's imagination

The Innocence of Kids…

>This was emailed to me and is a collection of kid’s comments about the ocean…there are some priceless ones in here, but I am susprised there are no “seaman” jokes. The last one to me is the best…only becuase this happened to me (well, not married, but engaged)…

   1)  – This is a picture of an  octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

   2) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls.  (Jerry, age  6)
   3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you  are an island.  If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are  incontinent.                   (age  7)

  4) – Sharks are  ugly and mean, and  have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She’s not my  friend any  more.             (Kylie, age  6)
   5) – A dolphin  breaths through an  asshole on the top of its head.  (Billy, age  8)
   6) – My uncle goes out in his boat with  2 other men and a  woman and pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie,  age  6)
   7) – When ships  had sails, they  used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when  the wind  didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My   brother said they would have been better off eating beans.   (William,  age 7)
   8) –  Mermaids live in the ocean. I  like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like  their shiny tails, but how on  earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,  really?   (Helen, age  6)
   9) – I’m not going to write about the  ocean. My baby  brother  is a always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my  Mom, and my big sister  has just got pregnant, so I can’t think  what to write. (Amy, age  6)
   10) – Some fish  are dangerous.  Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock.  They have to  live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug  themselves in to  chargers. (Christopher, age  7)
   11) – When you  go swimming in the  ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my wily small.  (Kevin, age  6)
   12)  – Divers have to be safe when  they go under the water.  Divers can’t go  down alone, so they have to go  down on each other.  (Becky, age  8)
   13) – On  vacation my Mom went  water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she  won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass..  (Julie,  age 7)
   14)  – The ocean is made up of  water and fish.  Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know.  (Bobby, age  6)
   15) – My dad was a sailor on the ocean  He knows all  about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit  being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)


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